Withdrawing
How come the titles of all my posts show up in lowercase? I assure you, they definitely have the appropriate capitalizations and shit. Poop on a stick.
Anyway, so yesterday I slept in really late and I felt really crappy and I forgot to take my meds. Today I woke up and felt immeasurably crappier, what with the cold sweats, nightmares, tremors, headaches, etc. It took me a while, but eventually I realized that I felt crappy because I was withdrawing from my meds. I took my meds, ate food, and felt better. I hate everything. Stupid addicted body, broken brain chemistry, broken everything. It’s depressing how very addicted I am to my very legal, prescribed, necessary medications, but all the same. It blows. I feel crappy when I don’t take them, I feel crappy when I do take them. Not doing that well lately. Of course my mother tells me “well just imagine how bad it would be if you weren’t taking them.” Is that supposed to help? Regardless, I’m not quite convinced. Also it’s cold and rainy out, which definitely doesn’t help with the moods. (This would also appear to be my fault: I told Jake to take the plastic off of his windows (it was 85 degrees that day!) and he did it, so now it’s cold again. Therefore, my fault. Thanks, guys.)
ProtoSlo
Lately I either feel like I’m freaking the fuck out and I have to get all these things done, can’t stop my brain from moving 100 mph, and really incredibly anxious, or I’m stuck in ProtoSlo. I can’t move. I don’t care about anything. I hurt inside and my body hurts from not moving, but I still can’t get going . . . and I hate myself for it.
I don’t know what to say.
“What kind of religion or faith can be lost by learning? That is a weak faith indeed, not much worthy of following.”
“What kind of religion or faith can be lost by learning? That is a weak faith indeed, not much worthy of following.”
This is a quote from a blog entry called “Shall the Fundamentalists win?” by a person who is writing a book about how she thinks Christianity and evolution can coexist. I don’t agree with all she writes but it’s kind of interesting to hear her take on things.
Sorry for the lack of posting. I guess I just have even less to say than normal.
Yeah, I’m an ass
While I was driving yesterday, I was thinking about things I do not understand . . . one of them was religion. Being a (usually) very logical person, I do not believe the existence of any gods or higher powers. I don’t see any need for it. Aside from it being completely illogical, I do not feel that anything is missing in my life. I have my own morals/ethics, I don’t need someone else’s from dusty, violent, over-translated books. I don’t need assistance to feel awe, to feel part of something bigger than myself. As Dawkins (I think) wrote, knowing how the rainbow is formed makes it no less beautiful or meaningful. I don’t require someone else’s explanations for life’s injustices, nor comfort in the thought of an afterlife in the face of death. Yet, on this Easter weekend, it becomes apparent that I am in the clear minority as people around me flock to churches. Some of these people are very intelligent. They are scientists, friends and teachers and I respect them very much, but they too go to church. I know they disagree with many of the churches teachings, particularly creationism and views on homosexuality, but still they go. They don’t just go to church on Easter; they actually believe. Still they believe. Why? I’ve heard many reasons why people “need” religion, but the people I am thinking of do not fall into any of those categories, as far as I know.
It was a really long drive 
I wasn’t going to go home this weekend, but I made an impulsive decision and left the house about 10 minutes after I decided to go. I left at a crappy time because I didn’t plan ahead so I hit the Cities exactly during rush hour . . traffic was a bitch.
